Have you noticed that when you give your opinion to someone, even your best opinion, the opening for exploration in the conversation closes?
I sometimes catch myself giving advice to people close to me about how to manage their lives when they are stuck or immobilized by an issue. I listen to the way the person is dealing with the issue and notice that I am drawn to give advice, in particular when I sense that the person’s approach to the issue is not freeing him or her up. Of course, my intention is to contribute to the person, but I have come to realize that giving advice or telling someone what is so does not make any difference!
When I do give my opinion to someone, even my best opinion, the opening for exploration in the conversation closes.
Suddenly, there is an “I” who has an opinion, and the possibility of the conversation has evaporated. The person stops sharing him – or herself.
The question to ask yourself is, can I let it be? Can I stay silent and withstand the siren song of the “I” that tempts me to interfere, to give an opinion, or be self-righteous about what I believe is true or makes a difference?
When you do not allow yourself to get hooked by the “I” in sharing what you know—even if you believe it would be most contributing—then something remarkable and unexpected becomes available. You will notice that in the silence of the conversation, something starts to manifest as a presence that allows the person to sort him- or herself out in relationship to the issue.
It is literally who you are that makes a difference. It is not what you say that has any real impact on another person’s quality of life. It is in the silence of the conversation that what matters manifests as a presence.
ABOUT LOUIS KOSTER
Hi, Louis here, author of the inspiring book “A New Language for Life, Happy No Matter What!” Click here to get a free download of the book. Thanks for checking out my blog posts. If you really want to test your spiritual beliefs, try being a medical doctor in war zones. I’ve been involved as a spiritual teacher, medical doctor and coach in the self-help industry for over 25 years and have developed a number of skills in helping people to awaken to their true nature and live inspired lives. Here Is Who I am & What I Believe.
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