Have you ever found yourself stuck in an argument, and you wonder how you got there? You wonder how you can get yourself unstuck while it is happening?
Perhaps the most important and most difficult thing to realize in relationships is that a person’s behavior or actions in essence are not who they really are. The moment someone comes across to you as offensive, forceful, or demanding, it calls up a similar response. It is the opportunity for the “I” to thrive and make a point. This is how disputes escalate. This is how we have arguments. This is how we allow ourselves to drift into conflicts and wars.
The language of “I” blinds us to who the other person really is.
You could say that our response to an argument—in particular when the person is close to us—is occurring inside of the default language for life. Whatever you say about the other person you don’t like, realize that this is not who they really are. The language of “I” blinds us to who the other person really is. It distracts us from experiencing the truth in its essence.
The language of “I” evokes in us that what you say or do is who you really are. It evokes in us that we are our actions. This is where all the trouble starts. This is where we get stuck. This is what fuels an argument.
When the “I” asserts itself, what gets lost is the possibility of being. You stop relating to a person as the possibility of being, and it affects your own freedom to be. In addition, what gets lost is the experience of “being related.”
Have you noticed how your own energy is affected once a person becomes a certain way for you or when you get set in your opinions about someone?
Isn’t that fascinating? The possibility of your being is affected when you are stuck on experiencing a person a certain way.
You now realize that the way a person is in our experience of them—which is given by the default language for life—is not who they really are.
By freeing yourself from the grip of the default language for life, both you and your experience of that person are suddenly freed up. You are present again to the possibility of that person’s being, rather than all the things that you are saying to yourself about that person. You are now freed up in relationship to that person, and you are present again to the possibility of the relationship. You are present to love again.
ABOUT LOUIS KOSTER
Hi, Louis here, author of the inspiring book “A New Language for Life, Happy No Matter What!” Click here to get a free download of the book. Thanks for checking out my blog posts. If you really want to test your spiritual beliefs, try being a medical doctor in war zones. I’ve been involved as a spiritual teacher, medical doctor and coach in the self-help industry for over 25 years and have developed a number of skills in helping people to awaken to their true nature and live inspired lives. Here Is Who I Am & What I Believe.
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